I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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