I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
