Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
