i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
