I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
