i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
