a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And then my night got REAL pukey
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
