If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
