He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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