not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
