I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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