I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
