I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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