I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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