Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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