3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
