I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
