he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
