i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
