I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Your penis caused this!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
