If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
