talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
