I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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