My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
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