I have demons in me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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