Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
