But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
