My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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