I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
