I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
