THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
