you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
