Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
