hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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