Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize