There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
