Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
