why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
