It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
