so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
