So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
