Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
