He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
