I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
