Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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