im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
we're so committed to being not committed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
