you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
