pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
