Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
