remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
