I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
